On Christian Family Life and Marriage
" ...let every one of you love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she fear her husband" - St. Paul to the Ephesians 5:33
September marks the beginning of the Church Year. At this time, having returned from the various distractions of summer, we rededicate ourselves to the service of the Church as we also begin the liturgical cycle anew. Let us also rededicate ourselves to Christian family life, striving ever to make our homes "little Churches" where God is glorified by the details of our daily lives.
It is obvious to anyone with "eyes to see "that the family as estab-lished by God - man and wife living in faithful mono-gamy and bringing forth children to be reared in the fear of God -is now rejected by the arbiters of "progress"- the media, the pseudo-intellectuals, and their lapdogs in political and corporate leadership. We even see nominally "Christian" groups elevating to the highest clerical rank men proudly proclaimed to be enslaved to the most terrifyingly destructive passion. The insane and demonized society that these people are constructing for our children and grandchildren is fearsome to contemplate. How shall we protect our loved ones from being swallowed by the ever-growing whirlpool of moral and social chaos?
In order to deal effectively with outside society, we must first set in order the internal society of the home. We will fight the evil forces outside the home effectively only if within the home we are living what we believe. Though we are not, thank God, sodomites, pederasts, or adulterers, we must not think that we are thus exempt from striving daily to make our married lives conform to the Church's teaching. When, moreover, in humility, we strive to conform our mind not to the world but to Christ, we acquire enormous, unforeseen grace, the energy of God, to work wonders of virtue and courage even in this corrupt and degenerate age.
Let us be honest: Few modern people, including those called Orthodox, are comfortable hearing St. Paul's words: "...and the wife see that she fear her husband." It is often not translated literally into English, but the Greek word is clear - phovitai - "let her fear." This fear, of course, is not the passionate, animal fear of physical danger - St. Paul is certainly not encouraging wife-beating or condoning the husband's being cruel or frightening. Rather, he is stating that the wife should fear the husband as the soul should fear Christ - that is, that she render her husband the humble submission, profound respect, and obedience that are due to the Lord by every Christian, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. Since the husband wields God's authority in the house, the woman will be judged by how she obeyed, and the man will be judged - more severely - by how he ruled. Furthermore, the husband must love his wife as himself. Earlier in this passage, St. Paul writes that the husband must love his wife as Christ loved the Church - that is, that he must be willing to die for his wife. He must be utterly unselfish, even unto death.
God, in His mysterious wisdom, has thus given the man and woman each a specific spiritual task, and one that neither one likes. Women do not easily respect men but want to despise them and disobey them. Men are not typically self-sacrificial and cherishing but egocentric and self-absorbed. Each must do precisely what does not come easy in order to be saved.
Dear husbands and wives: let us begin today to examine ourselves, to see whether we conform to the Apostle's words! Thus we will begin anew to lay a firm foundation for Christian family life.
Fr. Steven
St. John Chrysostom on Marriage
Let there be nothing more honorable for a wife than her husband, and let there be nothing more desirable for a husband than his wife. Concord between husbands and wives is what holds together all our lives; this is what keeps the whole world together. For, just as when the foundation is shaken, the entire house is demolished, so also, when there is marital discord, our whole life is overturned. For see: the world consists of cities, cities of households, households of husbands and wives. If, therefore, war breaks out between husbands and wives, that warfare enters into their homes, and when these are disturbed, cities are also destroyed; when cities are in disorder, of necessity the whole inhabited earth is filled with confusion, warfare, and combat. For this reason, God put much fore-thought into this matter. He does not allow a man to throw out his wife, except on grounds of fornication. "What, then," you say, "if she is abusive and extravagant, and has innumerable other faults?" Endure it all courageously, and do not throw her out because of her faults, but correct those faults. The reason why you are the head is that you may care for the body. We do not decapitate our body, even if it has countless wounds. Therefore, do not separate your wife from you; for, as far as we are concerned, the wife is the body. Hence, the Blessed Paul said: "So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28). And the same law applies to wives. Love your husband as you love your own head, O wife, and, if you honor your head, in like manner honor your husband. It is not without reason that I speak about this matter at such length. I know how many blessings are occasioned by a wife not being at variance with her husband; I also know how many evils arise when husbands and wives are at variance with each other. For, in that situation, neither wealth, nor beautiful children, nor a multitude of children, nor office, nor power, nor glory, nor honor, nor luxury and extravagance, nor any other success could ever gladden a wife or a husband, if they are quarreling with one another.
...Therefore, when you see some difficulty befalling you, either in your marital life, or in some other situation, pray to God; for this is the only solution - and the best one - to the woes that come our way. Great indeed is the weapon of prayer. I have often said it, I am saying it now, and I will not stop saying it. Even though you are a sinner, look at the publican, who did not fail in his entreaties and who cleansed himself of so many sins.